I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
