She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
