He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
