Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
