me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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