I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
