I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
