Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
