A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You were trust falling into bushes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
