The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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