worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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