so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
