Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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