After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
