I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
