Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
