Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
