Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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