So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
