everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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