So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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