If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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