I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
