i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
