bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
