Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
