Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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