I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
