No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
