Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
