I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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