Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
