Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
