Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize