Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
