I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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