god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize