But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
