are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
