Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize