Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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