My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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