I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
