Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We got so high we made milksteak
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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