Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
