I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize