You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
only you would photoshop your dick
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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