Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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