Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This baby is an asshole
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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