I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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