just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
