bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
