I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
