he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize