There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
