he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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