you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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