a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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