Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
