I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
