guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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