id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
someone owes me an orgasm
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you had me at cake vodka
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
