playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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