My brain says no but my pants say off.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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