a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
