I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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