dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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