I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
