separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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