I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize