Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
