I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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