Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
