last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Enjoy the penises
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
