Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
