great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
