Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
